A meeting with your child’s school about special educational needs (SEN) can feel like a lot, especially if things have been hard. The good news: you do not need to be an expert. You need a clear picture of your child, a short list of asks, and a plan to write things down afterwards.
This is the practical playbook. It covers how schools are meant to support your child, how to prepare, the questions worth asking, how to stay calm if you disagree, and why a follow-up email matters more than almost anything else.
Lead point: go in knowing what good support looks like, leave with agreed actions in writing. That is the whole game.
What the school is supposed to be doing: the graduated approach
Before you prepare, it helps to know the framework the school works to. It is called the graduated approach, and it runs on a four-part cycle: assess, plan, do, review.
- Assess. The teacher and SENCO (the Special Educational Needs Coordinator, the staff member who organises SEN support) look closely at your child’s needs.
- Plan. They agree what extra or different support will be put in place, with clear outcomes (the progress you all hope to see) and a date to check it.
- Do. The support actually happens day to day, led by the class teacher.
- Review. Everyone checks whether it worked, then the cycle starts again with anything that needs to change.
This is not optional good practice. The graduated approach is set out in the SEND Code of Practice 2015, the statutory guidance schools must have regard to (Source: gov.uk, SEND Code of Practice 0 to 25 years, checked 14 June 2026). Two points from that guidance are useful to keep in your pocket:
- Where a child is on SEN support, schools should meet parents at least three times a year to set clear outcomes, review progress and agree who does what.
- Every school must publish a SEN information report on its website, setting out the support it offers. It is worth reading before you go in.
If you want to understand how this fits the wider system, our SEND Rights Quiz walks you through where your child sits and what you can ask for next, in about three minutes.
How to prepare: build a simple picture of your child
You know your child better than anyone in that room. Your job is to make that knowledge easy to share. Spend 30 minutes on this and you will walk in steadier.
Write a one-page profile. Keep it short so it actually gets read. Cover:
- Strengths. What your child is good at, enjoys, and responds well to. Start here. It sets a constructive tone and reminds everyone you are talking about a whole child, not a problem.
- Needs. Where they struggle, in plain words. For example, “loses focus in busy rooms”, “finds reading tiring”, “gets overwhelmed at unstructured times like lunch”.
- What helps at home. The strategies that work for you. Schools value this and it gives them practical ideas.
- What your child says. Your child’s own view matters, and the Code expects it to be included. A sentence or two in their words is powerful.
Gather your evidence. Bring copies (keep your originals) of anything relevant:
- Reports from a GP, paediatrician, speech and language therapist, occupational therapist or educational psychologist.
- Any diagnosis letters.
- Examples from home: a piece of work, a photo, a note about a tough morning.
- A short list of professionals involved, with contact details.
Write your top three asks. Not ten. Three. Be specific. “More support” is easy to nod at and forget. “Can my child have a movement break before literacy?” or “Can we try a reading assessment this term?” is something the school can actually act on.
Sort the logistics. Ask the school office, or email the SENCO, to confirm the time and who will attend. You are allowed to bring someone: a partner, a friend, or a SENDIASS adviser (more on them below). Tell the school in advance if you are bringing someone.
If you want a deeper, ready-made framework for this (profile templates, scripts and a meeting checklist you can reuse every term), The SEND Parent Booklet is built exactly for this. It is a £29 guide that takes you step by step through working with school, so you are not starting from a blank page each time.
Good questions to ask the SENCO
A short, clear set of questions keeps the meeting useful. Pick the ones that fit your situation rather than firing all of them.
About what is happening now
- What special educational needs have you identified, and what is the main area of need?
- What assessments have you done, and what did they show?
- What support is in place right now? Please be specific: what, how often, and who delivers it.
About the plan
- What outcomes are we aiming for, and by when?
- How will we know if it is working? What will you measure?
- What will the class teacher do differently day to day?
About communication
- How will you keep me updated between meetings?
- When is our next review, and what should I bring?
- Who is my main point of contact if something comes up?
If progress has stalled
- We have been through a cycle or two. If support has not worked, what changes next?
- Would you involve any outside specialists, for example an educational psychologist or speech and language therapist?
A small but important habit: if you do not understand a term, ask the SENCO to explain it in plain English. No question is too basic. It is their job to make this clear.
How to handle disagreement calmly
Sometimes you will not see eye to eye. That is normal, and it does not have to turn into a fight. A calm, factual approach gets better results and keeps the relationship workable, because you will be dealing with this school for years.
A few things that help:
- Stay on the child, not the people. “I am worried about how the reading support is going” lands better than “you are not doing enough.”
- Ask, do not accuse. “Help me understand the thinking here” opens a door. It also surfaces useful information.
- Use the evidence. Point to your notes and the reports. Facts cool a room down.
- It is fine to pause. If you feel pushed, you can say, “I would like to think about this and come back to you.” You do not have to agree to anything on the spot.
- Get free, impartial backup. Your local SENDIASS (the Special Educational Needs and Disabilities Information, Advice and Support Service) is free, confidential and impartial. Every Local Authority must run one, for families of children and young people aged 0 to 25 (Source: gov.uk, special educational needs support, checked 14 June 2026). They can talk you through your options and may be able to attend meetings with you. IPSEA (ipsea.org.uk) also offers free, legally based advice on SEN.
If a disagreement is bigger than a single meeting, our Find an Expert directory lists independent advisers and advocates who can help you prepare or stand alongside you.
Always follow up in writing
This is the step most parents skip, and it is the one that protects you. After the meeting, send a short email summarising what was agreed.
Why it matters: a verbal “we’ll sort it out” disappears. An email creates a dated record that everyone has seen. If support does not happen, or if you ever need to escalate, that written trail is your evidence. It is calm, it is professional, and it quietly holds the plan in place.
Keep it simple. Within a day or two, email the SENCO something like:
“Thank you for meeting me today. Just to confirm what we agreed: [the support], starting [when], with a review on [date]. You will [action] and I will [action]. Please let me know if I have missed anything.”
Then save it in a dedicated folder, on your computer or in a labelled email folder, alongside reports and previous notes. Over time this becomes your child’s record, and it is worth keeping carefully if you ever move towards an EHC needs assessment (the formal check the Local Authority does to decide whether a child needs an Education, Health and Care Plan).
A quick, reassuring note on the news: you may have seen talk of the 2026 SEND reforms and “Individual Support Plans”. As of June 2026 these are consultation-stage proposals, not law. The schools white paper was published in February 2026 and its consultation closed in May 2026. The government has said no changes to the support given through EHC plans will begin before September 2030 (Source: gov.uk Education Hub and the House of Commons Library briefing, checked 14 June 2026). Your child’s current rights, including any EHC plan, remain fully in place. There is a fuller explainer in our 2026 SEND Briefing.
Frequently asked questions
What is a SENCO and what do they do?
A SENCO is the Special Educational Needs Coordinator, the member of staff responsible for organising SEN support across the school. They coordinate assessments, help plan support, and are usually your main point of contact for anything to do with your child’s needs.
What should I bring to a meeting with the school about SEN?
Bring a one-page profile of your child (strengths, needs, what helps at home, and your child’s own view), copies of any professional reports or diagnosis letters, and your top three specific asks. A notebook to record what is agreed is essential.
What is the graduated approach?
It is the four-part cycle schools use for SEN support: assess, plan, do, review. The school assesses your child’s needs, plans support with clear outcomes, delivers it, then reviews whether it worked and adjusts. It is set out in the SEND Code of Practice 2015.
How often should the school meet me about my child’s SEN?
The SEND Code of Practice 2015 says that, where a child is receiving SEN support, schools should meet parents at least three times a year to set outcomes, review progress and agree responsibilities.
What can I do if I disagree with the school?
Stay calm and factual, ask questions rather than making accusations, and put your concerns in writing. You can get free, impartial advice from your local SENDIASS or from IPSEA, and both can help you understand your options or attend meetings with you.
Before your next meeting
You do not have to carry this alone, and you do not have to get it perfect. Prepare a simple profile, bring your three asks, and send that follow-up email. Those three habits put you ahead of most meetings.
Not sure where your child stands or what you are entitled to ask for? Take our free SEND Rights Quiz. It takes about three minutes and points you to your clear next step.
And when you want the full toolkit, with reusable profiles, meeting scripts and checklists, The SEND Parent Booklet (£29) is the deeper resource that turns this guide into a system you can use every term.
This article is information, not legal advice. For formal advice on your situation, contact your local SENDIASS or IPSEA (ipsea.org.uk).