What to say when they say

Some things get said in nearly every SEN meeting. They can knock you off balance if you are not ready for them. Here is a short bank of the most common ones, with a calm reply to each. Keep your tone warm and factual. You are solving a problem together, but you hold your ground. This applies to England; check your nation if you are elsewhere in the UK. This is information, not legal advice.

When they say “we have to wait and see how they get on first”:

When they say “they cope fine in class”: “I am glad they hold it together in class. At home we see the cost of that: they are exhausted and overwhelmed afterwards. Coping in the room is not the same as their needs being met. Can we look at the full picture, including how they are after school?”

When they say “we do not have the funding for that”: “I hear that budgets are tight. The school’s duty to use its best endeavours to meet my child’s needs does not depend on funding being easy. Let’s focus on what my child needs first, then look at how to resource it.”

When they say “they do not have a diagnosis, so we cannot do anything”: “Support is based on need, not on a diagnosis. A diagnosis is not required for a child to get SEN support. What does my child need to access learning, regardless of any label?”

When they say “an EHC plan is only for the most severe cases”: “The test in law is not severity. It is whether my child may need provision beyond what the school can reasonably provide from its own resources. Given what we have seen, I think that test may be met. Can we talk about requesting an EHC needs assessment?”

When they say “specifying hours will tie our hands”: “I understand wanting flexibility. But provision should normally be detailed and specific, including quantity, so it is clear what must be delivered. Vague wording leaves my child’s support to chance. Can we quantify it?”

Two more worth having ready. When they say “we are already doing everything we can”: “Thank you, I can see effort is going in. To know if it is enough, I need to see what is in place written down, and how we are measuring whether it is working. Can we get that on paper today, with a review date?” And when they say “you can always go for an EHC plan yourself”: “Thank you, I know I can request an assessment. I would rather we work together first. Can we agree the support and the review date today, and I will keep the assessment option open if we do not see progress?” Whatever is said, the move is the same: stay calm, return to need and evidence, and get it in writing.